Why Sex-Positive Spaces Can Feel Overwhelming or Unsafe
Especially for people who carry trauma in their system, group spaces—particularly sex-positive ones—can be highly activating.
These environments often invite openness, vulnerability, touch, visibility, and intimacy. While this can be deeply healing, it can also directly touch the very places where the nervous system has learned to protect itself.
When the nervous system perceives threat—real or perceived—it doesn’t prioritize connection or pleasure. It prioritizes survival.
This can activate different survival strategies such as:
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Fight (irritation, anger, pushing away)
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Flight (restlessness, wanting to leave, anxiety)
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Freeze (shutting down, numbness, dissociation)
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Fawn (people-pleasing, over-adapting, losing oneself)
In sex-positive spaces, the Fawn response is particularly common.
Many people have learned—often unconsciously—that connection, approval, or even safety comes from adapting to others. Saying yes when they mean no. Smiling when something doesn’t feel right. Crossing their own boundaries to maintain harmony.
This creates a situation where someone may appear open, available, and engaged…
but internally, they are not truly present.
And this is where the challenge lies:
Authentic connection becomes almost impossible with a “Fawner.”
Because connection requires truth, boundaries, and presence.
When someone is fawning, they are not relating from their center—they are relating from a strategy.
Even without trauma, sex-positive spaces can feel confronting.
They challenge social conditioning, expose vulnerability, and invite a level of honesty that many systems are simply not used to.
And for many, just staying present in the body is already a huge challenge.
A Glimpse From the Space
One of my clients described it like this:
“I kept going back.
Every time I entered a group space, something in me would tighten. My chest, my belly, my throat—it all felt like too much. I would look around and see people dropping in, connecting, opening… and I just couldn’t get there.
I would freeze.
But I didn’t leave. I pushed myself to stay. I told myself: this is how I’ll learn.
And somehow, I kept coming back, again and again. Because I wanted it so badly—real connection, real presence, something that felt true.
But the truth was… every time I went home, I felt worse.
More disconnected. More alone. More discouraged. Sometimes even hopeless.
At some point, I realized I couldn’t keep doing it like this. So I reached out for a one-on-one session.
That’s where things started to shift.
Together, we began to look at what was actually happening inside of me when I relate—especially in intimate and sensual contexts. We mapped the different parts of me. The one that longs. The one that freezes. The one that pushes. The one that adapts.
For the first time, it all started to make sense.
And something in my system began to soften.
Then she suggested bringing in an assistant for our next session.
I didn’t know what to expect—but what happened there… changed something fundamental.
Because now, I wasn’t alone in it anymore.
They could see me. Not just the version of me that tries to hold it together—but the subtle moments where I would start to leave myself.
And they caught it.
The exact moment where, usually, everything would ‘go wrong’.
The moment I would slip into my old survival strategies—freeze, fawn, disappear.
Normally, that would be the point of no return. From there, I would just perform my way through.
And go home feeling empty.
But this time was different.
They slowed me down. Brought me back. Again and again. Without pressure.
And for the first time, I didn’t lose myself.
I stayed.
Not perfectly. Not the whole time. But enough.
Enough to feel something new.
Something that felt… safe. Alive. Even a little playful.
And that changed everything.”
Bringing this into the group space
Because the impact of this work in one-on-one sessions has been so profound, we felt a clear yes to bringing a similar level of support into our group practices.
You can now book a trained personal practitioner from our team to support you during our Thursday and Sunday practices.
This means that throughout the practice, you will have one dedicated, experienced practitioner fully present with you. Rather than moving between different partners, you stay with the same person for the exercises — creating a steady, grounded connection where learning can deepen.
Your personal practitioner is there to support your process.
They will help you to stay attuned, offer reflections when helpful, and meet you in the exercises with clarity, presence and integrity.
It is an in depth learning experience — about your body, your boundaries, your patterns, your desires, and your way of relating.
Having a consistent partner allows you to:
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stay with one connection instead of navigating multiple dynamics
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receive honest, grounded feedback and reflection
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explore at your own pace, with someone who can meet you there
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feel supported if something unfamiliar or vulnerable arises
Before the practice, you’ll have space for a personal check-in together, where you can share what you’re bringing, your intentions, and any questions.
After the practice, there is time for immediate aftercare and integration.
All our personal practitioners are trained within our methodology and are experienced in holding themselves and others in a grounded, trauma-aware way.
This offering is open to everyone — regardless of gender or experience level — who feels called to explore this work with a bit more individual support inside the group field.
If this speaks to you, you can reach out to Annelie at: hello@slowsex.me
She will check which practitioners are available for your chosen practice.
About Our Personal Practitioners
All spaceholders are personally trained and mentored by me, and continuously supervised within our team.
What makes their presence so unique is not just their training—but the depth of their inner work.
They are:
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Highly fine-tuned in their awareness
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In ongoing relationship with their own vulnerabilities
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Able to hold the tension between different inner polarities (boundaries & openness, presence & pleasure, sensitivity & clarity)
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Deeply committed to authenticity
They do not perform or “play a role.”
They show up as they are.
They hold clear boundaries, while also allowing pleasure and connection to emerge naturally.
They will never do anything that does not feel true or comfortable to them.
This creates a space that is real, grounded, and safe enough for something genuine to unfold.
Booking & Practical Details
This new experience is bookable from now on.
Spaces are limited and offered on a first-come, first-served basis.
The assisted practice is available as an add-on to your regular Slow Sex Practice ticket:
+155 EUR
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure how to stay true to yourself in these spaces—this might be a powerful next step.
Reach out to hello@slowsex.me to check availability for the practice you want to attend.
