Being able to create life through life is pure magic.
Two beings merge.
Another being gets sparked into cosmic existence.
For many couples, though, receiving a soul and carrying it through the first twelve weeks of pregnancy comes with challenges, heartache, and heartbreak.
Thirteen years ago, my very first pregnancy was smooth and effortless. The birth was beyond special—at home, in water, held by love and nature.
More than a decade later, I now belong to "those women" who have experienced multiple miscarriages. And it is hard to describe what it does to your soul when you have to let go of a life that was beginning inside of you.
We dream. We plan. We adjust our calendars and our hearts. We go through immense hormonal shifts that touch every layer of the physical and emotional body. And then, without warning, we start to bleed. Cramps follow. Or: we sit on a chair with the legs widely spread, looking at a screen, and there is no heartbeat, even though we still feel pregnant. And then we go home. Empty. Confused. Waiting to miscarry.
In the past three years, my partner and I have lived through all these different versions of loss.
The emotions that surface when life ends before it truly begins are unlike anything I had known. Grief becomes a physical force:
Raw waves shake the body and spirit. The pain screams from the bottom of the lungs.
There is no bypass. The only way out is through.
We must allow ourselves to feel everything: the pain, discomfort, frustration, anger, confusion, fear, desperation, helplessness.
Only then can we begin to alchemize it—to transmute it into something that might one day serve us in ways we cannot yet comprehend.
These moments of intensity reveal our resilience. Or our fragility. Or both.
Slow Sex and Voice Dialogue have been my anchors. My lifelines. My way of coming back home to the aware middle position—where the mind is quiet and the heart returns to harmony.
When the storm of loss comes, I return to a few simple yet powerful practices:
Be present with what is.
Breathe.
Connect to the rhythm of my heartbeat.
Feel the elements.
Remember the higher source that always knows what is best in the larger picture.
Identify the parts of me that are activated.
Care for the vulnerable places from the perspective of the aware ego.
Navigating Loss
Here are some reflections and practices that might support you when navigating loss:
1. Allow Your Grief Space. Let it be messy, raw, and uncontainable. There is no right way to grieve. There is no timeline. Just presence.
2. Connect With Your Body. Even when it feels broken or betrayed, your body is still a sacred vessel. Gentle touch, warm baths, breathwork, or movement can help restore connection.
3. Anchor in Practices that Support You. Whether it’s meditation, Slow Sex, prayer, journaling, Voice Dialogue, or time in nature, find what brings you back to center.
4. Honour the Soul. Create a ritual, light a candle, write a letter. These small acts can help you recognize the sacredness of the life that was and still is, in some form.
5. Don’t Rush to Find Meaning. Sometimes, the only meaning is the mystery. And in time, life might show you how even this pain holds seeds of growth.
To those who have loved and lost before life fully began: you are not alone. And your grief is holy.
Miscarriage Grief Ritual at Home
A home-based sacred rite for honoring loss, returning to the Earth, and staying in loving connection
Sacred Grounding
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Choose a place in nature (a garden, a forest, near water).
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Prepare: gather candles, a small blanket, natural offerings (flowers, herbs, stones), and, if applicable, the foetus or a symbolic object representing the lost life.
Ritual Flow
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Opening the Circle
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Stand in silence.
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Connect to the elements in order to anchor in full presence.
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Earth Offering
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If the foetus was birthed, bury it gently.
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Plant a tree or bush over it.
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You may speak words of love and release:
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“We open this space to honour the soul that came through.
Though brief, your presence changed us. You are remembered. You are loved. You are free.We give you back to the Earth,
to the womb of all life,
to rest and be reborn in light.”
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Embodied Expression
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Shake. Let the body tremble.
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Scream, howl, weep — whatever needs to come.
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Lay on the ground and feel the Earth take your pain.
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Blood Connection (Optional)
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During your next bleed, return to the tree and free bleed into the Earth.
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Let this act be a continuation of release and reconnection.
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Heart Share with Partner
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Sit together.
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Place a hand on each other’s heart.
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Take turns sharing:
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What are you feeling now?
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What did this experience teach you?
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What do you need to feel held and seen?
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Songs & Closure
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Sing a song of grief or rebirth. A lullaby. A hum from your bones.
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End the ritual by thanking the Earth, the soul, your bodies, and each other.
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