We can experience various blockages around intimacy and sexuality. A common one among men is premature ejaculation. Recently, I worked with a client—and I share his story here with his permission—who struggled intensely with this issue. The moment he penetrated a woman, he would almost immediately ejaculate. Although he enjoyed foreplay, intense excitement consistently triggered this uncontrollable urge. Over time, this created profound shame and guilt over his inability to fully satisfy his partner. His deep desire was to ride the wave of pleasure rather than prematurely breaking it.
I asked to speak directly with the part inside him responsible for premature ejaculation, guiding us back to his childhood. There, we uncovered painful memories of brutal physical abuse inflicted by his father and emotional neglect from his mother. Together, we confronted the intense anger still trapped in his body, expressed destructively during his teenage years. We nurtured the scared little boy frozen inside him, reconnecting with his essential life force.
To address his premature ejaculation, we explored its polar opposite—a disowned aspect of himself he scarcely recognized. I invoked this energy by vividly describing its qualities:
“You are deeply connected to his life force, mastering breathwork, embodying both strength and tenderness. You skillfully build, hold, and fine-tune sexual energies, playfully aligning your arousal with your partner's pleasure. Deeply attuned to your penis, a force of nature, you penetrate in ways that transcend ordinary experience, driving your partner to profound ecstasy.”
As he listened to this visualization, I encouraged him to hold his penis firmly, rhythmically moving his hips like waves and consciously managing his breath. With guided breathing and energy cultivation, he experienced prolonged waves of pleasure, discovering a sense of empowerment rather than subjugation to his impulses.
Moving forward, his task is to strengthen connection with this newly discovered part of himself through specific practices:
* Using the heartbeat as a rhythmic guide.
* Cultivating breath awareness.
* Consciously employing breath as both a guide for pleasure and a regulator against premature ejaculation.
* Practicing energetic wave movements and fine-tuning his powerful sexual energy.
I remain fascinated by the versatility of Voice Dialogue, a powerful methodology developed by Hal and Sidra Stone in the 1960s. Using it intuitively for years, my recent dedicated studies have profoundly deepened my practice. My gratitude goes to Francine Oomen for guiding my daily practice and exploration over the past three years, and to Robert Stamboliev, Madeleine Matzer, and Ozlem Sarioglu for foundational teachings in the psychology of selves, providing language, structure, and freedom in my work.
In the coming months, I am writing my master's thesis, illustrating how I incorporate Voice Dialogue within sexual fantasies. These fantasies create safe spaces for clients to freely explore disowned parts without shame or guilt, unlocking their full potential. My approach includes customized HomePlay, integrating fantasy-empowered states into everyday reality over time.
My thesis, enriched by captivating personal stories (both fantasies and real) and stunning photographs by artist Jitske Hagen, will offer detailed insights into my methodology, benefiting therapists, intimacy coaches, and anyone seeking deeper intimacy and sexual empowerment. Ultimately, I envision my thesis evolving into a visually appealing, engaging book that you wanna have laying at home on the couch table, visible for visitors so that my work sparks open conversations, challenges taboos, and fosters a new, enlightened culture around intimacy and sexuality.
BREATH – A Short Film by My Friend Igor
I’d love to share something special with you: a beautiful short video called BREATH, created by my dear friend Igor.
Igor is one of those rare, grounded souls — a wise, humble teacher who built his own wooden house by the ocean, surrounded by nature’s peace. His way of being is a transmission in itself.
Podcast: A Deeper Look Into My Work
A few weeks ago, Igor and I recorded a podcast that represents so many aspects of my work. It’s light, real, and full of depth. He asked me thoughtful, sometimes unexpected questions that opened space for me to speak about my vision — especially around creating a new culture of relating.
If you’ve ever wondered what truly moves and shapes my work, this conversation will take you there. Watch the video here
Feeling Ready to Be Seen — Slowly, Slowly
After a long time in the deep, inward seasons of creation, we’re beginning to feel ready to share more outwardly.
If you’re part of a podcast, magazine, newspaper — or know someone who would resonate — and you’d love to help open a space for this work to be seen and heard, bring it on.
I’ll be in Amsterdam in July & begin August and would be happy to connect for recordings or interviews.
Work With Me
If you feel called to explore this work, here are some of the ways we can meet:
• One-on-one deep dives into your inner landscape
• Plant medicine journeys
• Slow Sex Specials – intimate explorations for advanced practitioners (see upcoming offerings here)
We can connect in person where possible, or online if that works better for you.
You can reach me via WhatsApp, Telegram, or Signal at +31 624 555 311.
For anything related to plant medicine, please use Signal only to ensure safety and privacy.
